For the last 20 months, I have been dealing with a mystery health issue. Chronic pain, lightheadedness, and dizziness have made certain aspects of my life seem unmanageable. Doctor after doctor, test after test. No one can seem to figure out what is wrong with me. I’ve taken some steps personally that have helped, but whatever the core issue is, remains. My doctor actually said to me on the phone last week, “I’m stumped.”
That really wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
It’s been frustrating. SO frustrating. I feel alone, scared, unheard, and misunderstood. I’ve come to realize that although I trust God, ultimately I’ve put much more weight into the medical community and what I have always trusted they could do. I have played Dr. Google more times than I care to admit. We, they, no one can figure it out. And there’s something seriously unnerving about not having answers and continuing to suffer.
Beyond that, hearing a doctor say “I’m stumped” can make you feel like a lost cause… like they don’t know what else to tell you… like they have bigger fish to fry… like you’re on your own.
The other day, while reading, I stumbled across Psalm 56:8:
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
And it hit me.
He knows what’s going on in my body. HE KNOWS. He knows how frustrated I’ve been. HE KNOWS. He knows every hair on my head. HE KNOWS. He knows how much my heart hurts when I can’t respond to my kiddos the way I want to because of the discomfort. HE KNOWS.
And not only does He know. HE CARES.
I may not have my healing yet. I may not know what’s going on. I may still be frustrated and I am going to continue to seek answers.
BUT. I have a new PEACE in knowing that GOD KNOWS. He isn’t stumped. And He will never, EVER give up on me.
And that goes for YOU, too. Whatever is keeping you tossing tonight. Whatever your tears are about. No matter how alone, misunderstood, or how hopeless you feel…